Archived Story

Goober had previous job flying planes

Published 1:43am Thursday, October 10, 2013

Some folks asked me if I has always been a football prognosticator. The answer to that one is “No.”

My first job was as a pilot along with my brother, Goose. We were doin’ OK until we were flyin’ into Columbus airport one day.

“Goose, would ya look at how short that runway is!”

“Wow! Y’all ain’t kiddin’. That’s the shortest runway I’ve ever seen.”

“Well, Goose, this is gonna be tricky, but I think knows how to pull it off,” I said.

“First, when I give you the signal, you put the engines in reverse.”

“Gotcha. I’ll be doing that when I sees your signal,” said Goose.

“Next, and be quick, put down the flaps as soon as you finish puttin’ the engine in reverse,” I said.

“Ok, Ok. I gotcha. Engine in reverse, then put the flaps down,” said Goose.

“Now, once the flaps is down, you put on the brakes just as hard as you can. I’ll make sure all the gauges and instruments are OK,” I said.

“Yeah, yeah. Slam on the brakes. Then what?” Goose asked.

“Well, then me and you are gonna pray harder that we’ve ever prayed before,” I said.

“I’ll be with you on that. I got my St. Christopher medal right here, too,” said Goose.

So we approached the runway and just as the wheels hit the ground, I gave Goose the signal and he threw the engine in reverse, quickly put down the flaps and slammed on the brakes, all the while we wuz prayin’ to God and to his mother Mary to intercede on our behalf.

The engine roared, the brakes squealed and smoke filled the area around the cockpit. We sat motionless for a moment and then looked at each other and then out the window.

“We were right. That was the shortest runway ever,” I said.

“You ain’t kidding. But look at how darn wide it is,” Goose said.

Now you know why I got into prognosticating.

Ennywho, last week I wuz 14-5 to bring the season record to 89-28 fer a .761 percentage. With four weeks left, I is lookin’ to finish strong.

Coal Grove at River Valley: The Hornets always seem to have problems playing AT River Valley. Not this time. Coal Grove 42, River Valley 12.

South Point at Rock Hill: A look at the records might say this won’t be much of a contest. Don’t bet on it. I is tempted to make this my second upset special, but I’m kinda of a coward. South Point 28, Rock Hill 26.

Chesapeake at Fairland: Most years this rivalry would be a toss-up. The only thing that’s going to be up are Fairland’s offensive numbers. Fairland 44, Chesapeake 20.

Sciotoville East at Symmes Valley: Will the Vikings be looking ahead to Oak Hill? Here’s my answer. Symmes Valley 28, Sciotoville East 12.

Waterford at Green: Both these teams are young and rebuilding. I like coach McDavid as the lead carpenter. Green 26, Waterford 20.

OTHERS: Wheelersburg over Waverly; Minford over Northwest; Lucasville Valley over Portsmouth West; Oak Hill over Ports. Notre Dame; Russell over Mason County; Ashland over Sheldon Clark; Raceland over Nicholas County, Amanda Clearcreek over Fairfield Union; Gallipolis over Portsmouth; Bishop Hartley over Bishop Luers; Jackson over Logan; Athens over Alexander; Warren over East Liverpool.


Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports.

  1. swimmingupstream

    And now, dear readers, we know why Goober is a goober…

    (Report comment)

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