There came a knock at my office door.

I got up from my large, wooden, antique desk with the chair that could double as a recliner, passed the snack bar and soda machine. Opening the door I saw a familiar figure.

“Hello. Great to see you. I’m glad you could make it. Everyone has been waiting for you. Hey everyone, I’m not sure if you know him but I’m sure you are familiar with his work. This is the Easter Bunny.”

“Hello all. It’s great to finally meet you in person,” said the Easter Bunny.

“Let’s see, I’m sure you recognize this big guy in red. This is Santa Claus. Over here is the Tooth Fairy in her lovely pink dress, over there are several members of the leprechaun community and finally the guy with the big head is the Great Pumpkin.”

Once the introductions were complete and everyone had something to eat and drink, we got down to business.

“The reason I called you here is to see what role you’ve had in the Cincinnati Reds’ success so far this season. It’s really surprising since they finished in the cellar of the division last season.

“They have a really young team. They are missing a couple of starting pitchers including their ace Anthony DeSclarfani. They picked up Scott Feldman from Greasy Neal’s scrap yard, found Bronson Arroyo living at Jo-Lin Rest Home and they bought Drew Storen during a blue light special at K-Mart.”

The Easter Bunny spoke first.

“Well, instead of a bunch of candy for their Easter baskets, I did fill them with energy bars to last the season if they ration them properly. That could be factor.”

Santa was next.

“Bryan Price came to me and asked if for Christmas I could make him do a better job. I wasn’t sure that was possible, but he said if he didn’t improve the team, he’s going to revert to his usual request next Christmas for a new job.”

“Can I say something,” asked the Tooth Fairy. “Maybe the front office threatened to take them to the dentist to have their teeth pulled if they didn’t play well. Or at least if they didn’t floss.”

I turned to the leprechauns since I was almost certain they had to have something to do with the Reds’ being in first place. In fact, they might have done more than anyone.

“Well, we offered to give the Reds’ front office our pot o’ gold instead of making them catch us for it. We figured the extra money would help them sign a high-priced free agent or two. But, Faith and Begorrah, they turned it down.

“We asked if Walt Jocketty had been to the Blarney Stone with all the preseason talk he was making about the large amount of talent the team had and how they were ready to win. He said, “Saints be praised! I would never lie to the fans just to increase ticket sales.”

That left the Great Pumpkin to offer some insight.

“Don’t look at me. I don’t have any special talent. I’m only in the head of Linus Van Pelt. All I do is take up some valuable time and pretend like I matter. I’m kind of like an ESPN analyst.”

Collectively the group couldn’t figure out how this was happening. I told them I was a sports writer and it was up to me to tell the people about this meeting.

But then I realized there was no way I could tell the public about our skull session. People would think I had finally lost it completely and gone absolutely crazy.

I mean, who in their right mind would believe the Cincinnati Reds were in first place.

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Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.