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Gridiron Goober returns for another season

Whooo weee! I is back!

I knows fer some (okay, two of ya) my prognosticatin' is an excitin' time. Fer others, it's like askin' yer mom to be yer date to the prom. Nevertheless, I is ready fer a new season of pickin'. (Games, that is.)

A lot done happened since the end o' last season, but I wants to tell ya what done happened to me.

I wuz takin' a vacashun at the beach when I ran across this here bottle. I picked it up and rubbed it. Shore 'nuff, a genie come'd out and said he'd grant me one wish.

Welp, I took out this here map and showed him Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran. I said I wants there to be peace in all these lands. The genie looked at me funny and said," There ain't no way. Those folks is nuts. The U.S. of A. done bombed them and they still can't behave. You is gonna have to make anther wish."

I thunk fer a few moments, and then I said," Welp, I wants the Reds to not only win the Central Division title, but the National League pennant and the World Series."

The genie mulled it over fer a moment, then said, "All right. Let me see that dadburn map agin."

Do I hear Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling laughin'?

Ennywho, I is 'bout ready to pick another season of games and we gots some toughies the first week out o' the box. Welp, here goes.

Ironton at Wheelersburg:

Exxon says it puts a tiger in your tank. At Ironton, they puts a Tank in their Tigers. Tyler "Tank" Whaley, that is. Ironton 21, Wheelersburg 17.

Coal Grove at Piketon: A new era for the Hornets who plan to git Cook-ing right away. Coal Grove 22, Piketon 12.

Cin. Taft at Rock Hill: They're openin' up the new stadium Saturday night. Maybe they'll celebrate by havin' a Taft-ee pullin' contest. Rock Hill 14, Taft 12.

Vinton Co. at South Point:

The roster shows McNeely, McCleary, McKenzie. Is the Pointers startin' the football season or the St. Patrick's Day parade a wee bit early? Top o' the season to ye. South Point 27, Vinton County 12.

Chesapeake at Portsmouth:

No JoJo, no Harris, no Lampkins, no matter. Portsmouth 24, Chesapeake 18.

Portsmouth West at Fairland:

West is headin' upstream. And why not, that's the way all (coach Mike) Salmons swim. West 24, Fairland 14

Hunt. Ross at Symmes Valley:

Let's think of a famous Ross. There's Ross Gellar (Friends), Ross Grimsley, Bobby Ross, Betsy Ross. Okay, so Ross isn't such a great name. Neither's the team. Symmes Valley 22, Huntington Ross 6.

Fairview at Green: So what would a "fair" view of this game be? I'd say from the end zone. Green 28, Fairview 20.

Others:

Ashland over Johnson Central, Oak Hill over Minford, Unioto over Ports. Notre Dame, Sciotoville East over Northwest, Lucasville Valley over Waverly, Gallipolis over Meigs, River Valley over Richmond Dale SE, Mayberry R.F.D. over Russell. Gridiron Goober/The Ironton Tribune