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A snooze button? On an alarm clock? What gives?

I have an entry into the "Stupidest Things Ever Invented" category.

What idiot invented the snooze button? I mean, how counterproductive! I would be at work much earlier, would do my intended morning chores and would not have to rush through my shower in the morning if it were not for that elongated button on my alarm clock.

You know the button I'm talking about, the one that fools you into thinking that if you sleep for just nine more minutes you would feel less sleep deprived and have a brighter day. Well, for me, nine minutes becomes 18, 18 becomes 27 … you get the picture. Besides, why in the world is it nine minutes. Why not five, or 10?

I try to trick myself, but it never works. My alarm clock is purposely set about 10 minutes fast. Even in my waking hours, I know this.

I set my alarm about 45 minutes to an hour earlier than I want to get up. Once again, my weary mind can still figure out my trickery and realizes that I have five or six more "snoozes" before I have to get up at the

last possible minute.

I've tried another theory - placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room so that I have to get up to turn it off. Whenever I do that, I either don't hear it or I get up, walk across the room, hit snooze, and lie down again.

I've put tape on my snooze button, making it more difficult to turn off when the alarm starts sounding. Eventually, I rip the tape off and follow the same routine.

I go to bed early, the same thing happens. It seems like no matter how many hours I sleep, I just can't pull myself out of bed on that first ring.

I'm getting tired of it. It is not my goal in life to snooze. Like many others, I have a million things I wish I could do, but not enough time in the day to do them. It's all because of that blasted snooze button.

Snoozers, like me, keep finding excuses for not exercising, doing the dishes, cleaning my house, doing the laundry. Even though I get that extra sleeping time in by hitting the snooze bar, I'm too tired when I get home to do anything. Plus, my kids need fed.

The list goes on. On my clock, you can only hit the snooze button so many times before the time runs out and you don't wake up until it is too late to do anything but make a mad dash for work.

If somebody knows where I can get an alarm clock without a snooze button - I know there has to be one out there somewhere, please let me know.

Yeah, if I could just get my hands on the idiot who invented the snooze button … but, first, I'm going to stop the alarm clock and sleep on it a little bit.

Shawn Doyle is managing editor of The Ironton Tribune. He can be reached at (740) 532-1445 ext. 19 or by e-mail to shawn.doyle@irontontribune.com.