Our nation is divided #045;and it is making me thirsty
Published 12:00 am Thursday, May 12, 2005
Invisible lines rule our lives and most of us never even realize it. But one in particular is starting to drive me crazy.
We all know that imaginary borders establish what state or community in which we live. Vertical lines dissect our nation to determine what time it is across the country.
Latitude and longitude lines allow mapmakers to pinpoint locations across the globe. Perhaps the most well-known line, the equator, splits the world into hemispheres.
But it is a far lesser-known, and less defined, line that has infuriated me. I like to call it the Great Sweet Tea Divide.
Never heard of it, you say? Let me explain.
A staple in my family, and many others across Appalachia, that sweet nectar that we call iced tea has always been a refreshing beverage that helps me through the day. You can keep your soda, beer and liquor. Just give me a cold glass of sweet tea - but take away the sugar and it just isn't the same.
It is like Bert without Ernie, Batman without Robin or peanut butter and jelly. Sure each works well enough on its on but it just isn't the same.
We are firmly in the sweet zone here in southern Ohio. But when parched travelers seek this sugary goodness across the divide, many people look at you like you have lost your mind.
Our nation is divided and non-sugar lovers seem to be taking over. You won't find the Sweet Tea Divide on any maps but I have single-handedly started to plot its course.
Want a glass in Minnesota? Yeah, right, try again. It is across the divide and you will be greeted with perplexed looks, a snicker or two and something snippy in that distinct Minnesota accent.
Stop in the middle of Indiana and you are probably fine. Drive a little farther into Illinois and all bets are off. Look for refreshment in St. Louis? You had better like soda because there is not a glass to be found.
Head down south and sweet tea is a staple and most places would never dream of not providing it. To many southerners that would be like offering up pizza without cheese.
Yes, I know that sugar is on the table but that is not the same. Sugar doesn't dissolve once the tea is cooled. Plus, I can slurp it down quicker than most restaurants can keep it coming so I often spend my whole dinner pouring sugar into the glass, drinking it down and starting over again.
So I will continue to map this modern marvel of the Great Sweet Tea Divide. Maybe one day I will create a map of the entire country that will spotlight those tiny oases of heaven that provide the liquid of life.
Until then, watch out for that divide - and try not to fall in.
Michael Caldwell is managing editor of The Ironton Tribune. To reach Mike, call (740) 532-1445 ext. 24 or by e-mail at mike.caldwell@irontontribune.