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Being a good father best thing about Fathers#039; Day

It could be a Happy Fathers' Day after all.

As a kid, I remember Cincinnati Reds games were televised on a very limited basis, and they were relegated to away games with the exception of opening day and a special occasion or two like Fathers' Day.

This year will be a good day because the Reds won't be on TV Sunday. The games were televised Friday and Saturday, and both were losses.

Being spared that sadistic pull to watch the anemic Reds is only one of the good things about the day.

The best thing about Fathers' Day is being a father. It's a joy to spend time with your children, at least it is to me, and that's good news for my children.

Now, I'm not trying to brag or elevate myself above other fathers, but my children should be happy, no, ecstatic that I'm their father. There are other alternatives.

Yes children, life could be a lot worse if your father was ….

Barry Bonds: I'd be trying to take back some of my child support money. It's hard for a person to live on just eight or nine million dollars a year.

Randy Moss: Boy, would the kids be in trouble with me trying to teach them how to drive. And the local police wouldn't be very happy about it, either.

Latrell Sprewell: If the kids get in trouble, spare the rod and spoil the child won't work here, especially from a guy who must take his parenting skills from Homer Simpson when he grabs Bart around the neck.

Pete Rose: It would be awful tough to find out that you were payment for another gambling debt.

Ricky Williams: I'd never get mad at the kids, but I would probably never recognize them, either.

John Rocker: Think of the moral values the children would be learning.

Randall Simon: Somebody else better man the grill if we're going to have a cookout.

Lou Piniella: You'd better not be a bad kid or your self-esteem is going down the drain.

Tampa Bay Devil Ray player: And you didn't think I could find a worse way to embarrass you.

Eric Milton: Sorry kids, the only game I know is Home Run Derby.

Ted Williams: At least you'd always have something around to remember me by.

Ron Artest: So, you kids think its funny to splash daddy with swimming pool water, eh?

Michael Jackson: Now you have a new reason for wanting to become a teenager.

O.J. Simpson or Robert Blake: The kids are safe, but you can forget about Mothers' Day.

Happy Fathers' Day!

Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.