Goober#039;s cousin encounters wrath of state trooper
Published 12:00 am Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Welp, my cousin the baseball fan, Diamond Deke Dugan, and his wife got pulled over the other day. Here's what
happened.
A police officer pulls over the speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
Deke says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, Deke looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, Deke glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
Deke says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.
You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket Deke turns to his wife and barks, "Why don't you please shut up??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Only when he's been drinking."
Ooops.
Ennywho, last week I wuz 12-3 to make the season mark 34-11 (.756 percentage). Here's week four.
Ironton at Jackson: New stadium, new turf, old results. Ironton 21, Jackson 7.
Ports. East at Coal Grove: I don't knows what a Tartan is (actually its a Scottish Highlander), but I knows what's gonna happen
to them. Coal Grove 28, East 14.
Ports. West at Rock Hill: Nothin' like a good swig of Sider. Rock Hill 26, West 24.
Chesapeake at Lucasville Valley: The Injuns will tame the Panthers down in the valley. Lucasville 22, Chesapeake 20.
Symmes Valley at South Gallia: The only rebel I heard of wuz James Dean. Symmes Valley 20, South Gallia 16.
Tolsia at Fairland: What's the deal with all these rebels? Tolsia 19, Fairland 18.
Greenup Co. at South Point: It's the ground vs. the air. Army vs. Air Force. I prefers the Marines. South Point 21, Greenup Co. 12.
Green at Eastern: This is power vs. speed. The Hulk vs. Spiderman. I prefers Superman. Green 24, Eastern 20.
Body Co. at Wheelersburg: Kentucky teams don't like comin' across the river. No wonder. Wheelersburg 27, Boyd County 21.
Others: Portsmouth over Huntington, Minford over Vinton County, Waverly over Athens, Prts. Notre Dame over Southern, Wellston over Oak Hill, Bugs Bunny over Russell.