Howwwwwdeeeeeee y’all! I is back, but jest barely. Sees, I wuz down in Atlanta on a visit when I decided to stick around when I heard Michael Vick changed his mind and decided to enter a guilty plea.

Ya jest wouldn’t believe all thuh stuff I saw and heard. Since there wuz so much, I’ll give you the top 10 things I heard at the hearing that led to Vick entering a guilty plea.

10. To enter a plea, bark once for guilty and twice for innocent.

9. For image sake, I won’t eat any more hot dogs at the stadium.

8. Now, let me get this straight. I have to buy little No. 7 jerseys for everyone on the jury who owns a dog.

7. So it won’t help my case to legally change my name to Huckleberry Hound.

6. I’m just glad we don’t have a road game in Cleveland.

5. What do you mean every time I go outside of Atlanta I have to be on a leash?

4. I guess the Kibbles & Bits endorsement deal is dead.

3. And you thought giving the finger to the fans was the worst thing I ever did.

2. I’m even getting hate mail from Garfield.

1. I’m just glad Underdog is fictitious.

Ennywhooo, it’s time to git started with week number one.

Wheelersburg at Ironton: The only pirate Ironton fans ever liked was Captain Jack Sparrow. Upset special. Ironton 14, Wheelersburg 13.

Coal Grove at Lawrence County: Louisa may have to change the name of the town to Lose Easy. Coal Grove 24, Lawrence County 6.

Rock Hill at Tolsia: James Dean is the only real rebel I knows. Rock Hill 18, Tolsia 16.

Johnson Central at South Point: Things could git pretty (Shaun) Grimm in this one. Johnson Central 28, South Point 7.

Portsmouth at Chesapeake: I don’t think the Trojans will score 71 points this time, but they should git enuff to win. Portsmouth 27, Chesapeake 7.

Fairland at Portsmouth West: Summon the clergy. Dragons are playin’ the Sin-ators. West 30, Fairland 28.

Symmes Valley at Southern: Don’t expect a “Bland” performance by the Vikings. Symmes Valley 20, Southern 14.

Green at Buffalo, W.Va.: Talk about clever. Buffalo’s nickname is the Bisons.

I thought fer sure they wuz the Buffalo Chipmunks. Green 16, Buffalo 12.

Others: Ashland over Raceland, River Valley over Southeastern, Meigs over Oak Hill, East over Northwest, Minford over Piketon, Huntington Ross over Lucasville Valley, Waverly over Zane Trace, Sheridan over Gallipolis, Jackson over Wellston, Brookhaven over Chillicothe, Nelsonville-York over Athens, Lancaster over Logan, Parkersburg over Marietta, Belpre over Warren, Licking Valley over Zanesville.