• 43°

Goober plans new restaurant to generate needed funds

I can’t believe we is startin’ another year and without Bob Lutz coachin’. Heck, I started this before he wuz coachin’ and I done outlasted him. Guess I’m the all-time prognosticatin’ leader with more picks than Carson Palmer.

Now, that’s just more picks than anyone else. I didn’t say nuthin about gittin’ them right.

Welp, I to keep my prognosticatin’ business goin’ I is thinkin’ bout startin’ up a new business.

I plans to open up a chain of restaurants — mainly in major cities with pro football and baseball teams — and offer a special menu.

One of the drinks will be the Ryan Braun Shake. I also plans to use fruits, vegetables and other special ingredients to make drinks and I’ll mix them in my Jose Canseco juicer.

I plans to git Melky Cabrera’s associate to fix up a web page to sell the items online. I figures he kin git pretty creative presentin’ the products to the public.

Also, I thinks I’ll git Rafael Palmeiro or Roger Clemens to be the commercial spokesman. Ya always want someone who is honest and sincere so ya kin believe and trust their word.

On the food size, ya can’t have a restaurant without a Big Mac that includes Mark McGwire’s secret sauce.

We’re gonna have ice cream fer dessert and serve it in a plastic batting helmet like at the ballpark. They;’ll be available in small, medium, large, extra large and —the ultimate size — Barry Bonds.

Ennywho, the first week is always the toughest cause ya don’t know much about any of the teams. But I does know enough to make my picks and then hide until next week.

Ironton at Wheelersburg: New coach at Ironton and a new field at Wheelersburg makes for some good, old football. Ironton 21, Wheelersburg 17.

Coal Grove at Meigs: Even without Steele, look fer the Hornets make a clean getaway. Coal Grove 26, Meigs 6.

Rock Hill at Minford: I don’t want to say the Redmen are young, but I heard a rumor the team picture is on the front of the Gerber cereal box. Minford 22, Rock Hill 7.

Chesapeake at Oak Hill: Two teams tryin’ to fill holes should fill up the scoreboard. Chesapeake 28, Oak Hill 18.

South Point at Point Pleasant: My momma always told me it wasn’t nice to point. Point Pleasant 32, South Point 21.

Portsmouth West at Fairland: The Dragons start their gruelin’ non-league schedule with the SOC favorites. Portsmouth West 34, Fairland 14.

Symmes Valley at Eastern Meigs: The wishbone versus the spread. In this case, I’ll make a wish and see if my predicshun comes true. Symmes Valley 26, Eastern 12.

Manchester at Green: It’s a battle between Dogs and Cats. Go with the kitty chow. Green 24, Manchester 8.

Other games: Russell over Greenup County, Ashland over Raceland, Northwest over Southeastern, Portsmouth Notre Dame over Huntington Ross, Piketon over Waverly, River Valley over southern, Gallipolis over Athens, Sciotoville East over South Gallia, Lucasville Valley over Portsmouth, Jackson over Wellston.