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Much anticipated sports Christmas carols ready to be sung

There are a lot of traditions throughout college football.

Notre Dame players touch the “Play Like A Champion” sign, Clemson players touch Howard’s Rock, and Southern Cal and Miami players count NCAA violations.

Christmas has its own traditions throughout the world, not just here in America.

In Sweden, a figurine of a goat called a Julbock is placed under the tree to protect the gifts.

In Caracas, Venezuela, the streets are blocked off on Christmas Eve so that people can roller skate to church.

And in Alabama, people like to sit on their roofs on Christmas Eve and deer hunt. They say the Rudolph’s red nose makes for an easy target.

By the way, Rudolph’s original name was Rollo but was changed for the song that was written in 1939.

And give Alabama some credit. It was the first state to make Christmas a holiday.

Well, another great tradition that has taken this country by storm is the singing of the Ironton Tribune sports department Christmas carols.

While the sports carols have been a big hit from my desk all the way to the back door, I’m still trying to get Father Huffman to include them at Midnight Mass.

Oh well, here are this year’s latest carols.

The Retirement Song

(Tune: Christmas Song)

Peyton sitting with a walking boot

Kobe missing from 10 feet

Tiger dodging a NIKE wedge

From all the women he did cheat

 

Every athlete knows the time will come to hang it up

And play that last season right

Tiny stats are all they can show

But it’s still hard to say good-night.

 

(Bridge) They know Father Time is on his way

No money but still lots of bills to pay

Ev’ry old timers’ game they rush to play

To see if fans remember their hey-day.

 

And so I’m offering this simple phrase

For ex-players up to age 92

Though it’s been said many times, many ways

I’m sorry, but who the heck are you?

 

The First Time Pete Fibbed

(Tune: The First Noel)

The first time Pete told a big fib

Was to certain baseball guys who had searched through his crib.

On the fields where he played keeping his betting sheets

And wagered two grand that the Reds won’t get beat.

 

No shame, no shame, no shame, no shame

Rose is the king of baseball’s most hits.

 

Manfred looked up and saw a great star

Shining stats but he knew that Rose had to be barred.

Still a glimmer of hope was given to Pete

That maybe one day he’d be among the elite.

 

No shame, no shame, no shame, no shame

Rose is the king of baseball’s most hits.

 

Jocketty The Redlegs G.M.

(Tune: Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer)

Jocketty the Redlegs’ G.M.

Had a very tiny plan

To make the Reds’ team better

On less than five hundred grand.

 

All of the other ballclubs

Signed players or made big trades.

But Jocketty the Redlegs’ G.M.

Sat and watched his team fade.

 

Then one warm off-season day

Castellini came to say.

“Walt you’ve left us quite a mess

I think it’s time you give it a rest.”

 

Then he picked Dick Williams

To be the new Reds’ G.M.

But Castellini didn’t tell him

There’s no money left to spend.

 

Hark! The Browns Fans Did Yell

(Tune: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)

Hark! The Browns fans all did yell

Why don’t you play Johnny Manziel?

Of all the draft picks that you’ve made

He’s the one who can actually play.

Mingo, Irving and Gilbert were busts

But it’s Manziel you say you don’t’ trust

Your front office is a mess

Farmer and Pettine are really stressed

Your front office is a mess

Haslam better send an S.O.S.

 

Merry Christmas!

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Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.