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Goober’s friend turns down ticket offer

Sees, this friend of mine was sittin’ around readin’ the Tri-State Living magazine the other day and he was really into it because of the good stories.
Welp, his wife was sittin’ by him and readin’ The Ironton Tribune. She stopped at one point and said, “There’s an ad in the paper that says a man is willin’ to trade his wife fer Fighting Tigers’ season tickets. Tell me, dear, would you trade me fer Ironton season football tickets?”
My friend thought a second, looked at his wife and said, “No way.”
His wife smiled and then pressed on with another question. “Why not?” she asked, thinkin’ she knew the answer.
“Welp, that wouldn’t be a good trade. The season is already half over.”
My friend called me and asked if I could bring him a pillow and blanket. He said just leave it out in the garage.
Ennywhooo, last week I went 8-2 to make the season record 66-17. We is at week seven and I still ain’t got a handle on these here teams.
Ironton at Rock Hill: Well, it’s turf, not a rock. And it’s more of a slope than a hill. And with a 6-0 lead in the series, it’s probably more …. Ironton 28, Rock Hill 17.
Gallipolis at Coal Grove: Y’all are gonna say that Gallipolis wins this one easy. Welp, both teams kin score. Now, which defense makes the most plays is the key. Gallipolis 42, Coal Grove 40.
South Point at Fairland: Joel Lambiotte likes playin’ against young defenses. Heck, he likes playin’ against any defense. Fairland 43, South Point 21.
Portsmouth at Chesapeake: The Panthers seem to move the ball against anyone. They needs the defense to really step up. See, there’s this Talyn Parker kid who plays fer …. Portsmouth 44, Chesapeake 34.
Symmes Valley at Portsmouth Notre Dame: This here is a toss-up. I guess we gots to give the Titans the edge fer being at home. Notre Dame 18, Symmes Valley 16.
Manchester at Green: The Bobcats ain’t none too happy after losin’ their first game of the season last week. Green 48, Manchester 8.
OTHERS: Beaver Eastern over Sciotoville East; Oak Hill over Northwest; Portsmouth West over Lucasville Valley; Minford over Vinton County; Wheelersburg over Waverly; Russell over Pendleton County; Ashland over East Carter.
Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports.