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Lions and tigers and bears — Oh my!

As a joint congressional commission works urgently to find security improvements for our southern border, our national security experts wrongly fail to recognize that the southern border is a national emergency.

In fact, these foolish experts altogether forgot to mention that terrible crisis that our Great Leader has made the cornerstone of our national security crisis.

But we are blessed, because our president, Donald J. Trump, knows far better than these poor folks who should go back to school.

President Trump knows the real crisis is the lions, and the tigers, and the bears, Oh MY, that will attack us from our southern borders along with those pesky poor people running from violence and poverty.

But, though his brilliance shines through, maybe our president could use just a tiny bit of advice on the topic of “The Wall.”

So, here is that advice Mr. President:

First, shutting down your own government never, ever, ever, works. It just wastes money, angers voters and solves nothing.

And, in your example, shutting down the government is sort of like pointing a water pistol and demanding the banker opens the vault. You see Mr. President, when you demand your wall or else, but have no leverage to bend others to your will, well, it looks silly and  petulant.

Second, another warning about the first point. If you honestly think shutting down the government a second time is a real option, forget it. It would be perhaps the most foolish choice a human could make in your circumstances.

Third, and this is really crucial, if you are getting your expert advice, not from the 10,000 intelligence people who work for you, but from Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh, you would be better to seek out Forrest Gump.

Fourth, the exact way to never get any wall is to demand only a wall. This may seem counterintuitive to you, but your Democrat friends do not want your wall and the more you demand it, the less likely you will get it.

If you think using an executive order to just take money from that allocated by Congress for another purpose, to build a Trump Wall, just forget it. That will generate a constitutional crisis that you will not win. Do you really seek more losses politically?

Finally, and this is really important, you have to stop asking for a wall at all. You see, your goal should be, as president of all of America, not to get your wishes fulfilled and your demands met, but to get the best solutions to the problems we face as a nation.

If we need additional border security, then, and you won’t like this, you should want whatever form of security best serves the border needs. That may not mean any additional wall.

As you may not know, we already have 700 miles of fencing along our southern borders, and those areas lacking fencing all most often on private property whose owners want no wall, or in geography that is unsuited to a wall. Or, it may be places like McAllen, Texas, where you recently visited, a place with a very low crime rate and an open border the people want as is.

Mr. President, it would also be helpful if you stopped shouting lions, and tigers, and bears and immigrants every time you discuss border security.

In any case, try to remember that everything is not about you. Even the Wizard of Oz  learned that lesson.


Jim Crawford is a retired educator, political enthusiast and award-winning columnist living here in the Tri-State.