Trying to find her place in this world

Published 5:25 am Monday, October 4, 2021

When you don’t fit in with others, it is really easy to tell.
You’re sort of treated as an outcast by everyone around you, sometimes subtler than others.
Most of the time I just pretend like it doesn’t bother me until I go home and pour all my frustration out into a glass of red wine.
I feel like wine is the only person who gets me — it’s not even a person.
So far, I’ve worked many places and I never fit in anywhere I go.
There’s always cliques and then there’s me.
I try hard, I work hard, but it always gets overlooked because there’s a whole other group who’s worked together and people don’t like change in a group. Why add little ole me, when the group works perfectly fine with the ones in the group already.
You don’t have to tell me I sound bitter because I know I do. It’s just after a while of always being overlooked you get a little bitter.
I’m not saying it’s the right thing to do or act like, I’m just saying I have personal experience. I still try to be happy-go-lucky, but sometimes the happy fades away because I’m left to realize that I just wasn’t good enough.
Will I always be like this? Miss Happy-Go-Lucky in public, but hide all of her sadness at home with a bottle of wine next to her bed?
Or will I eventually get tired of pretending to be this happy person and then what?
Will I just stay a bitter person?
Will I always be a cliché?
I have this idea in my head that one day, it will all make sense.
The whole reason why I never fit in anywhere is because I’m my own person.
I’m someone special, but how will I know if I’m too afraid to get in front of the camera?
Do I really want to pass up opportunities to get my name out there? Or do I want to ride the wave and see how well I can swim?
I wish I had the answers to all of my questions.
I wish I knew what I was supposed to do.
How are you supposed to know? Will you ever know? Or will I always be making blind-folded decisions and just hoping I made the right one?
Maybe that’s just the ways of life. Maybe, just maybe, everyone has a blindfold on.

Skyler Cunningham is an intern at The Ironton Tribune.