Archived Story

Englishmen can’t upset Irishman

Published 2:24am Thursday, October 25, 2012

My cousin from Ireland — Paddy O’Furniture — stopped by the other day to visit and he had a good story to tell.

Paddy said before his flight he was in an airport pub when three Englishmen spotted him. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to Paddy, tapped him on the should and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser.”

I asked, “What did you say?”

“Oh, really? Hmmm, I didn’t know that,” said Paddy.

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a loser and he didn’t care.”

The second Englishman said, “You just didn’t know how to set him off. Watch and learn.”

So the second Englishman walked over to Paddy, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a bloody lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum.”

“Oh, really? Hmmm, I didn’t know that,” said Paddy.

Shocked beyond belief, the second Englishman went back to his buddies. “You’re right. He’s unshakable.”

The third Englishman shook his head. “Boys, you’re wrong. I can do this. Just watch. I’ll really tick him off.”

The Englishman walks up to Paddy, taps him on the shoulder and says, “I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman.”

But Paddy didn’t even flinch.

“Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me,” said Paddy.

Ennywho, last week I wuz 15-2 to bring the season mark to 118-24 for an .831 percentage. This here is the last week, so I is hopin’ to finish strong. Good luck everyone in the playoffs.

South Point at Coal Grove: The Hornets are on a roll and they plan to butter it up in a big way. Coal Grove 42, South Point 12.

Chesapeake at Rock Hill: The Panthers’ 10-game road schedule is finally over and there’s no place like away. Chesapeake 32, Rock Hill 14.

Fairland at River Valley: The Dragons give the Raiders an unwanted sendoff to the TVC. Fairland 44, River Valley 13.

Buffalo, W.Va. at Symmes Valley: Right now ya kin hunt squirrel, grouse, turkey and rabbit. Come Friday, Bison will be in season and the limit is 11. Symmes Valley 28, Buffalo 12.

Oak Hill at Green: Ironton may have softened up the Oaks some fer the Bobcats, but not enough. Oak Hill 36, Green 20.

Others: Wheelersburg over Portsmouth West, Chillicothe over Portsmouth, Gallipolis over Jackson, Lucasville Valley over Minford, Waverly over Northwest, Portsmouth Notre Dame over Sciotoville East, Bishop Watterson over Jonathan Alder, Bishop Hartley over Bishop Ready, Raceland over Russell.

NOTE: Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports. His comments are not meant to be taken seriously.

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