NFL offers alternative TV

Published 12:00 am Thursday, October 23, 2003

It looks as though the Browns and Bengals ain't gonna tear up the NFL this year.

If that's the case, the NFL has just started another TV network with programming that's made especially fer fans who plan to switch channels when their game gits out of hand.

Since it's so new, the listings fer the new network haven't been published yet. But I has gots the list and I'll pass it on to ya'll. Here are the top 10 alternative NFL TV shows:

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10. Line Becker

9. Butchie the Quarterback Slayer.

8. 60 Minutes (of boredom)

7. Three Men & A Baby (starring Marvin Lewis, Jon Kitna, Carson Palmer & Corey Dillon)

6. Whose Bad Offensive Line Is It Anyway?

5. Unsolved Playcalling (starring Bruce Arians)



3. That 70 Losses Show (A Decade of Bengals Football)

2. The West Wingback.

1. Everybody Hates Modell.

Pleasant viewin'.

Ennywho, my 79-21 record on the season (.790 percentage) is pretty good, but I wants to finish strong this final week, so here goes.

Ironton at Belfry: An antelope, an animal trainer, Roy Horn (of Siegfried & Roy), and Belfry. Common theme? Things more and more likely to be mauled by a Fighting Tiger. Ironton 21, Belfry 14.

Rock Hill at Chesapeake: Ya has to go with the defending champs. Ya has to go with the favorite Panthers. Ya has to go with the speed advantage. As for me, I just has to go. Upset special. Rock Hill 14, Chesapeake 13.

River Valley at Fairland: This could be a movie sequel called "Raiders of the Lost Game." Fairland 27, River Valley 12.

Coal Grove at South Point: I heard that the Hornets game plan is to call the dog warden and report that none of the Pointers are wearing an ID tag. South Point 24, Coal Grove 20.

Symmes Valley at New Miami: This new Miami isn't in sunny Florida, so pack the extra chin straps instead of the sun tan lotion. Symmes Valley 30, New Miami 14.

Green at Northwest: Mohawks, Lesshawks, Not Quite Enough Hawks. Regardless of how many, it'll be too much for the young Bobcats. Northwest 22, Green 6.

Olentangy Liberty at Wheelersburg: Give me Liberty or give me a loss. Since the Pirates are getting Liberty, they won't be getting a loss. Wheelersburg 27, Liberty 13.

Others: Columbus St. Charles over Portsmouth, Lucasville Valley over Minford, Waverly over Oak Hill, East Knox over Portsmouth Notre Dame, West Jefferson over Sciotoville East, Coshocton over Portsmouth West, Ashland over Rowan County, Boyd County over Greenup County, Gallipolis over Logan, Spongebob Squarepants & Patrick over Russell.