Goober wants to improve Olympics

Published 12:00 am Thursday, September 2, 2004

Hoo boy, did thuh Americans kick backside at the Olympics or what!

I is here to tell ya that I is proud of them, even the men's basketball team. Hey, at least they WANTED to go play unlike some of them other weenies.

But as good as dem Olympics wuz, I thinks they could be better, and I has 10 ways to make thuh next summer games more excitin'. Here's how:

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10. Marathon race through the streets during rush hour traffic.

9. Make players ride dolphins during water polo matches.

8. Rowing uses shovels instead of oars.

7. Fencing held using flashing black lights.

6. Land minds strategically placed in soccer field.

5. Replace pommel horse with real horse.

4. Strap a fried chicken to backs of Greco-Roman wrestlers.

3. Release handful of piranha in pool during swimming competition.

2. Occasionally insert exploding ping pong ball into table tennis matches.

1. Pole vault and skeet shooting contest at the same time facing each other inside the stadium.

Go America!

Ennywho, last week wuz a goodest start at 13-1. It ain't easy bein' that good this early, so I ain't gonna git my hopes too high. Week two looks tougher.

Ironton at South Point: Coach Lutz is worried bout a letdown. Coach McDavid is worried bout a meltdown. Ironton 28, South Point 17.

Coal Grove at Fairview:

Float like an Eagle and sting like a Hornet. Coal Grove 14, Fairview 12.

Vinton County at Rock Hill: If Vinton

wins this one, some of their crazy fans might think they could actually beat Ironton. Dream on. Vinton County 19, Rock Hill 17.

Chesapeake at Wayne: Panthers won't like enterin' Wayne's World. Wayne 26, Chesapeake 20.

Winfield at Fairland:

Change that name to Losefield. Fairland 21, Winfield 12.

Racine Southern at Symmes Valley: This game should be over quicker than it took me to write the team names. Symmes Valley 40, Racine Southern 6.

Green at South Gallia:

Could the Bobcats open the season 2-0? Yep. Green 22, South Gallia 14.

Gallipolis at Wheelersburg: This here is a pick 'em, sooo, enie meanie minie moe…Wheelersburg 28, Gallipolis 26.


Portsmouth over Portsmouth West (12-10 on a safety), Piketon over Ports. Notre Dame, Ports. East over World Harvest, Oak Hill over Unioto, Lucasville Valley over Northwest, Minford over Wellston, Jackson over Waverly, Nelsonville-York over River Valley, Corn Fairgrounds over Russell.