Gridiron Goober has some suggestions for MLB

Published 12:00 am Friday, September 17, 2004

Whooo weee. It's been sum kind of a week.

I gots some suggestions fer Major League Baseball.

First, the Texas Rangers need to play their games during a tapin' of the Jerry Springer Show. If Frank Francisco wants to toss a chair, the folks in the stands will be expectin' it and then some.

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Next, I'd assign members of the Secret Service to stand guard of the Boston Red Sox.

If George Steinbrenner wants forfeits cause teams can't git out of a little thing like a hurricane, what's gonna stop him from letting the air out of the Red Sox team bus tires or lockin' them in their hotel rooms on the 10th floor.

Remember, George hired someone to spy on his own player, Reggie Jackson.

Finally, why not strike up a deal with Bentley Pharmacy as the exclusive supplier of steroids fer Major League Baseball.

If ya ain't gonna police guys like Bonds and Giambi, ya might as well cash in. Only problem there is that Dr. Dan gots more integrity than to git mixed up with the MLB hierarchy.

Oh, by the way. What do steroids and hurricanes have in common? Both make pro athletes run like crazy.

Welp, I wuz jest 11-5 last week to make it 37-9 on the season (.804). It's time to git better.

Boyd County at Ironton: Lions and Tigers and Bob Lutz moving into second place all-time on the Ohio career wins list, oh my. Ironton 22, Boyd County 8.

Coal Grove at Ports. East: Actually, the school's real name is Sciotoville Community East. The name doesn't matter to the Hornets. Coal Grove 32, East 20.

Rock Hill at Ports. West: The way these teams like to run, you'll need a stopwatch 'stead of a clock to keep the time. Rock Hill 20, West 16.

Lucasville Valley at Chesapeake: Both teams have trouble scoring, which usually means the scoreboard will light up. Chesapeake 34, Lucasville 28.

Fairland at Tolsia: I likes the Dragons offense, but I don't likes this game bein' on the road. Tolsia 24, Fairland 22.

South Point at Greenup County: It's not the three Musketeers ya worries 'bout, it's those 11 players. Greenup 30, South Point 24.

South Gallia at Symmes Valley: The Rebels ain't gonna like enterin' the Vikings version of the "Holland" Tunnel. Symmes Valley 26, South Gallia 12.

Reedsville Eastern at Green: They might read a lot, but they needs to learn how to spell. It's read, not reed. Eastern 24, Green 18.

Wheelersburg at Hillsboro: Look fer the Pirates to level off the high spots. Wheelersburg 35, Hillsboro 6.

Other games: Portsmouth over Nelsonville-York (Saturday), Prestonsburg over Ashland, Ports. Notre Dame over Southern, Wellston over Oak Hill, Vinton County over Minford, Waverly over Athens, Gallipolis over Pt. Pleasant, Cronacher Hill over Russell.