Olympics need to add more exciting sports

Published 12:00 am Friday, July 29, 2005

Just when you thought the Olympics couldn't get any more biased or political, the International Olympic Committee announced the elimination of baseball and softball from the 2012 Summer Olympics to be held in London.

Of the 28 existing sports, the committee cut the two American staples and then rejected five sports wanting to be added to the list of competition.

The omission of baseball and softball is a direct effort to cut into America's domination in those sports. Other than the United States, only a handful of countries play baseball such as Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Japan and North Korea and South Korea.

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With two slots now open, the committee is trying to decide between - get this - golf, rugby, squash, karate and roller sports.

Why squash? I thought it tastes a little too much like pumpkin. And besides, the Olympics already have handball.

There were a couple of other sports considered, but the Olympic officials probably believed America would have a advantage in those sports as well.

From my undercover work, I discovered one of the sports rejected was trampolining. The committee saw too many trampolines in the backyards of the American suburbs and figured it was another sport Americans would dominate.

There was a proposal on the table for ultimate frisbee tossing or possibly frisbee golf. But with the number of Americans flooding the beaches on either coast and tossing frisbee, again the Olympic Committee was filled with reservations.

Also, hotels complained that participants scattered too much sand in the lobbies.

If the Olympic committee just wants a sport that allows anyone to participate but is still exciting, I say add "Running with the Bulls."

The "sport" is really relegated to Europe, Spain in particular, so no specific country would dominate.

Well, that's not exactly true. It's a suicide-type sport, so maybe we can restrict it to countries with suicide bombers. Not only would these terrorists be unafraid, if they were killed they would get to be with 70 virgins AND wear a gold medal.

Another suggestion was roller sports. Who knows what that means, but I hope it means the return of roller derby. I watched roller derby as a kid and my favorite team was the Bay City Bombers.

It's a sport for both men and women, but I always thought the women's league was better because of the cheap shots to the stomach and cat fights were more entertaining.

If the hope of the Olympic Committee is to create a dull sport that allows any nation to formulate a competitive team, may I suggest knot tying.

Each team would have to tie a certain type of knot against the clock. The analysts would be informative and exciting.

"Oh no. He just made a clove hitch and the judges were wanting a timber hitch."

Or maybe, "He's the favorite with the square knot, but he doesn't have as much confidence when it comes to the fisherman's knot because he prefers the fisherman's bend."

And you thought synchronized swimming was exciting.

Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.