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Goober battles new environmental problem

I

ran into one of them people with a cause the other day. You know, the ones who think ev'ryone should think their way? Welp, this guy wuz a vegetarian.

He said he wuz boycotting meat due to the cattle damagin' the ozone with their flatuation. He also thought slaughtering cows wuz awful.

I remember a guy asking comedian Ron White what he wuz doin' to combat the damage to the ozone and he said, "I'm eatin' the cow."

As fer their slaughter, we had some alternative methods back on the farm.

My dad had a picture of some hay that he hung from the window at the top of the barn. He coaxed the cattle to the top of the barn and they walked out the window and, welp, splat!

The other method we used wuz on the cows that were college age. We gave them a couple of cases of beer and the keys to the John Deere that has a wagon on the back. They'd git drunk and pile as many as they could on that tractor.

Welp, ya knows cows ain't very good drivers. A couple of laps around the farm and it wuz off to the market.

Oh well, last week wuz a good openin' day success rate as I done went 10-4. Once I learns sumpin' bout these teams I will git better.

South Point at Ironton:

The Pointers want one-third of the gate or a full tank of gas. Ironton is opting for the gate. Ironton 28, South Point 14.

Fairview at Coal Grove: That poundin' sound ain't no hammer. It's Justin Hyland runnin' at the Eagles defense over and over and over and … Coal Grove 26, Fairview 12.

Rock Hill at Vinton County:

It don't matter if Vinton County is using its first, second or third string quarterback. I like the Redmen, no strings attached. Rock Hill 21, Vinton County 0.

Fairland at Winfield:

The reason Fairland's offense struggled last week wuz one thing: The Dragons didn't have their (Sam) Huff and puff. Fairland 24, Winfield 10.

Symmes Valley at Southern:

It takes smarts to play this game, and the Vikings have a Wiseman at fullback and he says … Symmes Valley 30, Southern 8.

Wayne at Chesapeake: Git out yer calculators. I kin see a lot of offense from these two teams. Wayne 32, Chesapeake 22.

South Gallia at Green: Let him who is without a penalty Castro the first stone. Green 22, South Gallia 14.

Wheelersburg at Gallipolis: Another offensive shootout. Let's see which team has the most touchdown bullets. Wheelersburg 26, Gallipolis 24.

Others:

Portsmouth West over Portsmouth, Minford over Wellston, Lucasville Valley over Northwest, Waverly over Jackson, East over World Harvest, Unioto over Oak Hill,Piketon over Ports.Notre Dame, Ashland (and the Wiggles) over Russell.