Goober takes an early look at Ohio State-Michigan

Published 12:00 am Friday, October 28, 2005

Welp, this is the last week and the Ohio State-Michigan game ain't fer three more weeks.

That's not gonna stop me from tellin' a few stories you kin store away and tell when the big game arrives. Here goes:

1. Why do Michigan women wear high heels? To keep their knuckles from draggin' the ground.

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2. Did you hear Lloyd Carr only plans to dress 22 players for the Ohio State game? He said the rest of the players can dress themselves.

3. How do you keep your family safe from the Wolverines? Move them to Pasadena.

4. How do you make Wolverine cookies? Put them in a bowl and beat them for three hours.

5. Did you hear Michigan is planning to change their playing surface to cardboard? They always look better on paper.

And finally…

6. Two Michigan cheerleaders were reading their daily newspaper when one of them noticed a headline that read:

&#8220Two Brazilian Soldiers Killed”

She thought for a minute and then whispered to her friend, &#8220Psssst… how many is a brazilian?

Ennywho, last week the record wuz 9-2 and that makes the overall record 92-23 (.800 percentage). I is hopin' to finish strong. (If I don't use any deodorant do you think it will help?).

DeSales at Ironton: Just once I'd like to see the Stallions play like ponies. Upset special. Ironton 16, DeSales 13.

Coal Grove at Rock Hill: The way these two teams run the ball, don't be late or you'll miss it. Rock Hill 21, Coal Grove 20.

South Point at Fairland: The way they likes to throw the ball, the game won't be over ‘till Saturday…morning…late. South Point 43, Fairland 40.

Chesapeake at River Valley: The only letdown the Panthers will have is the River Valley runners. Chesapeake 40, River Valley 0.

Symmes Valley at Guyan Valley: It don't matter what kind of after shave the Wildcats wear, the Vikings can still smell the playoffs. Symmes Valley 27, Guyan Valley 14.

Harts, W.Va. at Green: The Bobcats play Cupid and shoot a football through their opponents' Harts. Green 34, Harts 12.

Oak Hill at Wheelersburg: Who scheduled this game? Wheelersburg 56, Oak Hill 0.

Others: Portsmouth over Waverly, Portsmouth West over Reading, East over South Gallia, Northwest over Portsmouth Notre Dame, Lucasville Valley over Minford, Ashland over Boyd County, Mickey Mouse (and his schedule) over Russell.