Browns had lots of reasons for not using Winslow

Published 12:00 am Friday, November 3, 2006

I sees where Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow ain’t too happy. Even though he hasn’t play three games in the NFL, he wants to be a bigger part of the offense and complained publicly after the Browns 34-17 loss at Cincinnati in week two.

The conservative Browns coaching staff must have reasons why they aren’t usin’ their No. 1 draft pick from three years ago.

Well, they do and here are the top 10 excuses Kellen Winslow Jr. wasn’t involved in the Browns offense on third down against the Bengals:

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10. Needed some extra time to look for his lost puppy in the Dawg Pound.


He was busy playing soldier with his G.I. Joe doll.

8. Didn’t want to embarrass him because he doesn’t have as good of a touchdown dance as Chad Johnson.

7. Was late for the team plane because he had to run back home after picking up Ben Roethlisberger’s helmet by mistake.

6. Snuck into the stands when he heard Evel Knievel was signing autographs.

5. Was too upset after Emmitt Smith got bad scores on “Dancing with the Stars.”

4. Thought some guy named Harley Davidson was ahead of him on the depth chart.

3. Had trouble running routes because Bengals’ ground crew put speed bumps on Paul Brown Stadium turf.

2. Was late for warm-ups because of his new parking lot phobia.

1. He couldn’t hear the play that was called through his body cast.

Somebody know an offensive coordinator?

Ennywhooo, last week I wuz 14-4 to make it 66-26 on the season (.717 percentage). Here comes the second half of the season.

Marietta at Ironton: When ya gots two teams of tigers, ya has to go with the one that’s the “Fighting Tigers.” Ironton 21, Marietta 14.

Coal Grove at Fairland: Ya might want to git an extra couple of boxes of lightbulbs fer the scoreboard and a few more fuses. Coal Grove 44, Fairland 40.

Rock Hill at River Valley: With the size of both teams’ linemen, I heard the stands will have scouts from Wendy’s lookin’ fer the beef. Rock Hill 28, River Valley 12.

South Point at Chesapeake: Talk bout yer offensive-minded teams. They thinks “defense” is a four-letter word. Chesapeake 36, South Point 33.

Oak Hill at Symmes Valley: There’s nothin’ like a SOC win and then relaxin’ with a night Capper. Symmes Valley 27, Oak Hill 13.

Green at South Gallia: Besides scorin’ a bunch of points, the winner kin git a lot of computer points. Green 22, South Gallia 18.

Wheelersburg at Lucasville Valley: I knows Valley is favored to win the SOC, but fer some reason it just don’t seem to look right. Oh well. Upset special. Wheelersburg 26, Lucasville Valley 24.

Others: Gallipolis over Portsmouth, Chillicothe over Jackson, Logan over Zanesville, Warren over Athens, Portsmouth West over Northwest, Waverly over Minford, Ports. Notre Dame over Ports. East.