Goober gets inside information on Miami board meeting

Published 12:00 am Friday, November 3, 2006

Whooo weeee! Now that there Miami-Florida International wuz some kind of a fight!

Fortunately, Miami took some strong, swift action and told the players that fer the rest of the season they will git only juice with their meals and no soda pop.

Seems Miami president “Iron Fist” Shalala held a meetin’ with the board of regents and coach Larry Coker. Here are the top 10 things that were overheard.

Email newsletter signup

10. I finally got good seats this season. I’m right behind cellblock D.

9. Maybe we should get Jerry Springer to show Merriweather how to do the waltz instead of the stomp.

8. I went to the Mike Tyson World Tour and a Miami football game broke out.

7. I don’t care if he played for Miami. I’m not sure that replacing Lamar Thomas with The Rock on the radio is a good idea.

6. It’s about time they brought back those “Combat!” episodes into syndication.

5. Let me get this straight, coach. You’re saying someone yelled “Break for lunch” and your guys thought they said “break him with a punch.”

4. I guess we’re not going to get that Toys ‘R Us endorsement deal.

3. It’s agreed. We change the school fight song to “Jail House Rock.”

2. Reddick swore he was just playing “whack a mole.”

1. See, we finally found a way to get the gangs off the streets.

Ennywho, if ya want to know how crazy this season has been ya just had to look at last week’s scores. I limped to a 9-6 record and now I is 97-39 (.713 percentage). Only two weeks left.

Ironton at Zanesville: So, the Fightin’ Tigers don’t have much team speed. I wonder if Dominic Murphy, Chad Miller and Marc Carter agree? Ironton 21, Zanesville 14.

Rock Hill at Coal Grove: They way these two teams run the ball, maybe this game should be covered in “Runners World.” Rock Hill 22, Coal Grove 21.

South Point at Fairland: This here is the battle of gunslingers with QBs Smith and Hatfield. Wonder who will have the smokin’ gun in this shootout? South Point 34, Fairland 30.

River Valley at Chesapeake: If ya wants to k now what big plays are, look in the dictionary under “Panthers offense.” Chesapeake 36, River Valley 14.

Symmes Valley at Portsmouth Notre Dame: The Titans plan to use the Sand man to put their defense to sleep. Notre Dame 28, Symmes Valley 24.

East at Green: Everyone knows if ya backs a bobcat into a corner he comes out clawin’. Green 20, East 16.

Minford at Wheelersburg: The Pirates are still fightin’ fer a playoff spot, and believe me, they still has some fight in them. Wheelersburg 21, Minford 12.

Others: Logan over Portsmouth, Gallipolis over Warren, Chillicothe over Marietta, Jackson over Athens, Lucasville Valley over Portsmouth West, Waverly over Northwest, South Gallia over Oak Hill.