Reds rewriting dictionary of baseball

Published 11:21 pm Saturday, July 23, 2011

You might be a Cincinnati Reds’ fan if you have a No. 1 foam finger in one hand and a bottle of Zoloft in the other.

Reds fans always hope for the best but are prepared for that inevitable state of depression.

Last season the Reds won the Central Division title to halt a 15-year drought from postseason play. While fans were hopeful this year that their young, talented team would continue playing at a high level, they hadn’t forgotten those previous 15 years of frustration.

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And frustration is a good description of this season with its highs and lows like The Beast rollercoaster at Kings Island. The Reds have given new meaning to a lot of baseball terms with their play. It seems like the team is trying to match comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s new definition of words with his Redneck dictionary.

Cincinnati was baseball’s first professional team and went by the name of the Red Stockings. So instead of a Redneck dictionary, the Reds play has inspired a Red Stockings Dictionary, not to be confused with a real dictionary.

Regular dictionary: Leadoff — someone who starts something.

Redneck dictionary: After he hits a home run you’ll see Lee doff his cap to the fans.

Red Stocking dictionary: The guy who gets to screw up first.

Dictionary: Patience — the ability to endure waiting or delay without becoming annoyed or upset.

Redneck dictionary: I don’t think I should pay since I did the last time.

Red Stocking dictionary: The pitcher took a lot of time getting the signal so I swung at the first pitch.

Dictionary: Closer — Person who finishes a task or job.

Redneck dictionary: The shoes are under the bed and the clothes are in the closet.

Red Stocking dictionary: The pitcher who brings two gallons of gasoline to put on the fire.

Dictionary: Strategy — carefully devised plan of action to achieve a goal.

Redneck dictionary: Take that spoon and stir at a “g” in yer alphabet soup.

Red Stocking dictionary: Let’s bunt with two outs or steal second with two outs and down a run in the bottom of the ninth or take out the reliever who hasn’t been touched for two innings for the guy who was shelled his last two outings or ……

Dictionary: Clutch up — dependable at precisely the right moment.

Redneck dictionary: Ya wants some clutchup on yer french fries?

Red Stocking dictionary: We need to check the regular dictionary definition. We’ve never really heard that one before.

It doesn’t look like Wikipedia has to worry about the competition.

Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.