Goober tries to help man in trouble with angry bear

Published 2:43 am Thursday, August 30, 2012

I was drivin’ on a country road the other day and I sees this man. I offers him a ride but he says, “You won’t like me. I’m an atheist.”

I started and looks back and the man trips and falls. I wuz gonna help but a bear runs up on him droolin’. The atheist yelled, “Oh God, help me.” The bear has his claws raised ready to strike when a light shines down and temporarily blinds them. A voice can be heard, “Now you mean to tell me after all these years tryin’ to convince people I don’t exist, you want me to accept you as a believer.”

The atheist then says, “Okay, maybe this is desperation fer me and hypocritical, but here’s another thought. How bout makin’ the bear a believer?”

Email newsletter signup

Suddenly the light disappears, the atheist opens his eyes and he sees the bear is no longer on his back legs growlin’ in anger, but he has his paws folded and kneeling over the man.

The atheist breathes a sigh of relief until he hears the bear actually mumblin’ a prayer.

“Thank you Lord for the food we are about to receive.”

I don’t think that’s exactly what wuz meant by the Last Supper.

Ennywho, last week wuz a good start as I went 15-3. Usually ya don’t git a good feel fer teams until week three, so I is takin’ this recent success with a grain of salt. Welp, it’s more like with a grain of sugar. I tries to avoid salt.

Ironton at Russell: The way these teams like to avoid the pass, don’t be late. It might be over by 8:30. Ironton 20, Russell 14.

Wheelersburg at Coal Grove: The dink and dunk passing game versus the power running attack. Sounds a lot like the Pirates’ game last week. Wheelersburg 21. Coal Grove 18.

Lucasville Valley at Rock Hill: This is a battle for Native American territorial rights. Lucasville Valley 30, Rock Hill 14.

Chesapeake at Wayne: The season-long road schedule continues for the Panthers. Wayne 24, Chesapeake 13.

Southeastern at Symmes Valley: Southeastern might be the Panthers, but look fer the Vikings to do the maulin’. Symmes Valley 27, Southeastern 12.

Fairland at Meigs: New Meigs’ coach Mike Bartrum might want to avoid the OVC teams after this week. Fairland 26, Meigs 14.

Grove City Christian at South Point: The Eagles offense is a lot like their mascot name. It can really soar. Grove City 30, South Point 22.

Millersport at Green: The Lakers are comin’ to visit on the river. Don’t expect the Bobcats to water down their offense. Green 26, Millersport 13.

Other games: Portsmouth West over Portsmouth; Adena over River Valley; Gallipolis over Licking Heights, Minford over Wellston; Sciotoville East over Northwest; Oak Hill over Alexander; Portsmouth Notre Dame over World Harvest; Ashland over George Washington.

NOTE: Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports. His comments are not meant to be taken seriously.