Welp, last week I wuz tellin’ ya that I likes my women with brown hair and brown eyes. Not only is it a personal preference, but something happened that made my love of brunettes grow stronger.

The other day I wuz out in the front yard mowin’ my lawn when this attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

I didn’t think much of it and kept mowin’ but a little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. She seems kind of mad and was mutterin’ as she went back into the house.

I was done cuttin’ the grass and started to edge the lawn when she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

By now I was a little curious so I asked her, “Is something wrong?”

She sighed and then angrily said, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, ‘You’ve got mail!’ and when I check the mailbox it’s still empty.”

I wonder how she answers the UPS man.

Ennywho, last week I wuz a disaster. I wuz 8-6 and it were the worst week of muh long and undistinguished career. On the year I is 36-12 to I needs to git it in gear and do better this here in week four.

Ashland at Ironton: When it comes to rivalries, this one is near the top of the lists. But I think in this cat fight I has to go with the upset special. Ironton 28, Ashland 27.

Rock Hill at Portsmouth West: Welp, somebody gonna git their first win of the season. This should be a good one. West 21, Rock Hill 20.

Chesapeake at Lucasville Valley: Kin the Panthers pull off a second straight upset? Don’t bet against them even though I is pickin’ against them. Lucasville Valley 26, Chesapeake 20.

Manchester at Symmes Valley: The only Greyhounds that kin befuddle the Vikings are the ones at the dog track. My money is on the Vikings. Symmes Valley 34, Manchester 12.

Wheelersburg at Fairland: In this spread vs. spread match-up, look fer them to spread it on thick. Wheelersburg 27, Fairland 21.

South Point at Vinton County: This here is another match-up of teams lookin’ fer their first win. Finder’s keepers. Vinton County 26, South Point 19.

Dayton Jefferson at Green: There is no truth that Bellefonte Hospital is plannin’ to make Green a new annex. There’s too much business fer a small annex to handle. Dayton Jefferson 33, Green 27.

Other games: Minford over Portsmouth, Gallipolis over Marietta, Oak Hill over Wellston, Sciotoville East over Raceland, Bishop Hartley over Bishop Hoban, Russell over Boyd County, Portsmouth Notre Dame over Northwest.

NOTE: Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports. His comments are not meant to be taken seriously.