Ballad of Tom and Roger sings loud & clear

Published 9:26 am Sunday, August 9, 2015

There’s an old black and white cowboy movie starring John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart and Lee Marvin called “The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance.”

I got to watch it not too long ago and at the very end Stewart is now a governor who returns to his hometown and tells the publisher of the local newspaper the real story.

The publisher tears up his notes and Stewart asks why he did that. The editor explains, “This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

Sounds like someone investigating “Deflategate” must have taken that to heart.

There are a lot of inaccuracies that made their way to the press and public regarding the deflated footballs New England Patriots’ quarterback Tom Brady used in the AFC championship game.

It was reported 11 of 12 footballs were well under-inflated when in fact only one was somewhat low and it was the ball intercepted by D’Qwell Jackson.

It was reported that Brady refused to turn over his cell phone and destroyed it. Brady regularly cycles through phones. The NFL did not ask for or want the actual phone but for its content.

This was in March and Brady had just returned from a trip outside of the country. The new iPhone 6 was out and since investigator Ted Wells didn’t want the device, Brady switched phones.

Wells obtained Brady’s cell phone records and found no evidence. Wells could have contacted any NFL personnel Brady had texted but chose not to do so.

As a member of the union, Brady was under no obligation to share the phone or information. However, Brady did turn over all phone messages requested by Wells.

The Patriots have had a history of incidents such as taping the New York Jets’ signals or plowing the snow away to kick a game-winning field goal. These things have upset other NFL owners and Commissioner Roger Goodell apparently want to lump all the scandals together and then issue a punishment.

Deflating footballs — whether they did it or not — seems to be much ado about nothing. And yet the NFL spent millions on the investigation.

Let’s see: 1. Ray Rice slugs his wife and knocks her out; 2. Michael Vick kills innocent dogs; 3. Adrian Peterson beats his 4-year-old son until he bleeds; 4. Ben Roethlisberger is involved in an alleged rape charge; 5. Tom Brady might have maybe let air out of a football.

Yeah, this Brady guy is some kind of vicious character.

Goodell’s handling of discipline in the NFL makes you think he is actually the son of Bud Selig.

Although I’m no Patriots’ fan and I still ache from Bill Belichick’s tenure as the Cleveland Browns’ head coach, Goodell seems to be on a witch hunt and Brady is just a scapegoat in this whole overblown incident.

Don’t forget, Aaron Rodgers admitted to Phil Simms in an interview BEFORE a game that he pushed the limits and added air to footballs and that the Minnesota Vikings were caught during a game using sideline heaters to warm up footballs in the cold.

And nothing was done.

It seems to me that the best way to explain this whole case is a parody of the Beatles’ “Ballad of John and Yoko” song. Enjoy.

The Ballad of Tom and Roger

(Tune: Ballard of John and Yoko)

Standing in the courtroom of Roger

Trying to give him figures and facts.

The man at the top said

I’m the number one cop

Now a fourth of your season’s been sacked.

 

(Chorus)

Fans you know it ain’t easy

You know how hard it can be

The way things are going

Roger’s gonna crucify Brady.

 

Finally got the chance to appeal it

The P-S-I’s were all a big lie

The Wells Report’s lame

Maybe’s all they could claim

Roger just wanted Brady to fry.

 

(Chorus)

Fans you know it ain’t easy

You know how hard it can be

The way things are going

Roger’s gonna crucify Brady.

 

(Bridge)

Saving up past cases for a judgment day

And penalties to make Kraft moan.

The newspapers wrote

Let’s make Brady the goat

And he didn’t even blow up his phone. (Think!)

 

Caught the early plane back to Boston

A million bucks tied up in a bag.

A judge told the two

I’m sick of this feud

Work it out or you both will get flagged.

 

(Chorus)

Fans you know it ain’t easy

You know how hard it can be

The way things are going

Roger’s gonna crucify Brady.

The way things are going

Roger’s gonna crucify Brady.

The Hatfields and McCoys only wish their feud was this good.

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Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.