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Country tune could be Reds’ theme song

Ahhh, nostalgia. It’s always nice to look back in the past now and then. Today we’re looking back at the early 1990s.

In 1990 the Cincinnati Reds shocked the baseball world as they swept the heavily-favored Oakland A’s in the Worlds Series. A year later The Marcy Brothers performed the song “Don’t Tell My Heart” which later changed its title to “Achy Breaky Heart” and became a mega hit and career-launcher for Billy Ray Cyrus.

Fast-forward to 2016 and the Cincinnati Reds. Young, ravaged by injuries and beaten regularly by their opponents, it seems only fitting to connect them with Achy Breaky Heart.

How’s that?

The starting pitchers are pretty good but they’re all hurt. By trading Aroldis Chapman the bullpen has been a disaster with more blown saves than Hillary Clinton has missing emails.

One good thing for the Reds financially is program sales. The old saying, “Get your programs. You can’t tell a player without a program,” is more true this season than ever before.

The Reds traded Johnny Cueto, Mike Leake and Marlon Byrd last season and then Chapman and Todd Frazier during the off-season. They tried to move Brandon Phillips and Jay Bruce but those deals fell through or — in the case of Phillips — were blocked by the five-and-10 rule.

So now the Reds are buried at the bottom of the National League Central Division and still not seeing any sign of a light at the end of the tunnel.

With all of that in mind, let’s just say that by changing a “few” lyrics and keeping the melody written by Don Von Tress, it’s the perfect way to tell the Reds’ story this season.

Just give it a quick listen…

Achy Shaky Reds

You can tell the fans, we have no playoff plans

So how we gonna fill up the seats?

And you can tell the press, this team’s a freakin’ mess

At least we get one chance to exploit Pete.

We’ve got some good young arms throwing on the farm.

But can’t afford to bring them up too fast

Their time here would start now and then they’ll soon depart

‘Cause we won’t pay big free agent cash.

 

CHORUS

Don’t tell my Reds, my achy shaky Reds

The players still think they can succeed

‘Cause if you tell the Reds, my achy shaky Reds

The bullpen blows up and kills the lead. Ooooh ooh!

 

You can tell your ma we worked the Nationals

But Phillips just wouldn’t make the move.

Or tell your brother Cliff with Chapman we got stiffed

And J.J. Hoover’s pitches all look grooved.

Or tell your Aunt Louise the front office ain’t pleased

Price knows that his job is on the block.

Or you can tell my eyes we all ready got our guy

Bringing back Sweet Lou would really rock.

 

CHORUS (3x)

Don’t tell my Reds, my achy shaky Reds

The players still think they can succeed

‘Cause if you tell the Reds, my achy shaky Reds

The bullpen blows up and kills the lead.

 

Now, if I can just get it on the Billboard Top 100.

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Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.