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Goober helps rescue accident survivors

I wuz out squirrel huntin’ last week and through the clearing I saw seven short fellows in funny hats walkin’ along. I realized it wuz the Seven Dwarfs.
Just as I wuz about to yell at them, they fell down out of sight. I ran over and they had fallen into an old mine shaft. I looked down but it was deep and dark, so I yelled, “Say something. Anything. Let me know you’re OK.”
A voice replied, “The Miami Dolphins will be Super Bowl contenders next season.”
I wuz somewhat relieved. I said “Thank God! At least Dopey is still alive.”
Ennywho, last week I wuz better at 11-3 so the record is now 35-12. Gots to git better than that. Here goes.
Ironton at Ashland. The Tomcats might want to do like the semi-pro teams did 100 years ago and disguise ineligible players like taping up Quinten Baker’s face. No disguising the Tigers. Ironton 28, Ashland 13.
Coal Grove at South Point: The Hornets has lost two tough games in a row. The third time is the charm. Coal Grove 32, South Point 18.
Chesapeake at Gallipolis: As Rocky the Flyin’ Squirrel would say, “Hokey Smoke, Bullwinkle. This is going to be really exciting.” OVC showdown. Gallipolis 36, Chesapeake 31.
Portsmouth at Rock Hill: The Redmen may give Talyn Parker a going away present and sign the card “And please don’t ever come back.” Parker has haunted the Redmen for three years. Make it four. Portsmouth 28, Rock Hill 20.
Waverly at Fairland: I don’t dislike the Waverly quarterback, but why does he have to spell his name Haydn’? Spelling don’t change anything. Waverly 35, Fairland 28.
Symmes Valley at Fairview: The Eagles like to throw. The Vikings like to run. Guess which one win? Symmes Valley 27, Fairview 7.
Federal Hocking at Green: Fed Hock got its first win in a couple of years two weeks ago. They’ll have to wait a little longer for their second win. Green 36, Federal Hocking 8.
OTHERS: Greenup County over Wheelersburg; Ports. Notre Dame over Fayetteville; Oak Hill over Northwest; Beaver Eastern over Manchester; Lucasville Valley over Circleville; Portsmouth West over Wellston; Minford over Wilmington; Sciotoville East versus open again.
Gridiron Goober is a self-proclaimed high school football expert who shares his vast knowledge and picks each week, all while offering a humorous take on the world of sports.