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Jim Crawford: Imagining Trump’s acceptance speech

Next week, Donald Trump will accept the Republican Party’s nomination as their candidate for president in 2020.
His acceptance will not be a surprise, but his acceptance speech could be a surprise, if only he decided to reflect honestly on his record.

It could go like this:

“Sure, the coronavirus in spreading like wildfire in the country but, as I said, ‘I am not responsible.’

Yes, the economy is in worse shape than the Great Depression, with nearly 25 percent of Americans unemployed, laid-off or no longer looking for work. Unemployment alone stands at 10 percent today. Workers are no longer receiving the $600 weekly help or the eviction protection. It is what it is.

I made some promises to you in 2016:

I promised, if elected, to reduce our trade deficit, but, instead, it is higher than it ever has been.

I told you that I would eliminate the federal debt in eight years. Instead, in nearly four years, I have increased it by $5 trillion dollars.

I promised you that I would release my tax returns. That will never happen.

I promised you a great wall on our southern border from coast to coast. I promised you Mexico would pay for the wall. The wall is only 200 miles and almost all of it is replacement sections. Mexico will never pay for anything.

I promised you that I would repeal Obamacare and replace it with something better. Now, during this health crisis, I am still determined to take insurance from 23 million Americans and replace it with nothing.

I told you that I am the best dealmaker ever. But after telling you I solved North Korea and they were no longer a threat to us, they tested and built more nuclear weapons.

I killed the deal with Iran and the U.S. to prevent them from developing nuclear weapons and replaced it with nothing. Iran is a greater threat today than ever before.

I told you that I would make trade deals with China that would stun you. I did stun you with an ongoing trade war with China and a crisis for all American farmers in the process.

As your president, I have worked earnestly to undermine virtually all government institutions, including the CIA (I trust Putin more), the FBI, the CDC, the National Weather Service and so many more.

I have also sought to undermine the national media, and the crucial free press that democracy must protect. I have bullied private citizens and big corporations with childish and offensive tweets. I have attacked healthcare workers during the pandemic, accusing them of stealing masks and PPEs.

I have violated my oath as commander-in-chief by refusing to protect our soldiers, brave men and women all, from bounties by Russia for their deaths.

I have placed the future of Social Security, America’s most popular government program, at risk by promising to end its funding source, the employment withholding tax, if re-elected.

I have, in the face of a national reckoning with inequality, stoked the fires of racism and conspiracy theories designed to divide America.

I have lied to you about the coronavirus pandemic repeatedly. I told you that ‘…we weren’t left with ventilators by the previous administration,’ but we were. We had, according to HHS 16,600 ventilators in the national stockpile, more than were ever requested by the states during the crisis last Spring.

I also lied about working with the Russians in the 2016 election. My campaign manager, Paul Manafort, worked closely with a Russian foreign agent to help us win the election and ruin Hillary Clinton. The Senate Intel committee this last week filed a 1,000-page report detailing just how extensive our cooperation was with the Russian agent.

But, and I say this to you with all my heart, give me four more years and just see what I can do to…excuse me, for you. Trump 2020!”

Jim Crawford is a retired educator, political enthusiast and award-winning columnist living here in the Tri-State.