Diamondbacks futility inspires a new song

Published 12:52 am Friday, June 18, 2021

Just when you think you’ve got it bad…
Whether you are fans of the Pittsburgh Pirates, Baltimore Orioles, Detroit Tigers, Minnesota Twins, Colorado Rockies or the Texas Rangers, things aren’t as bad as they are for the fans of the Arizona Diamondbacks.
The Diamondbacks set a record Thursday but it’s not the kind of performance anyone wants. The record the D-Backs set was in futility.
The record? Arizona not only tied the record for consecutive road losses with 22 but went a step further and broke it. The D-Backs lost all four games to the San Francisco Giants to start the past week including a 10-3 spanking on Thursday that gave them 23 straight failures at opponent ballparks.
Arizona also set a record by having two 13-game losing streaks in the same season. The current losing steak is actually 14.
The 1963 New York Mets and the 1943 Philadelphia Athletics shared the record for consecutive road losses with 22. The 1969 Oakland Athletics lost 20 in a row while the 1945 Athletics, 1985 Pirates and the 1933 Cincinnati Reds all lost 19 straight away from home.
Now, anyone who has been around a high school state championship game or even district and regional title games has heard the famous song “We Are The Champions” by Queen.
But no one ever does a song celebrating a dubious accomplishment.
Until now.
With all due respect to Queen, here is a song parody of their chart-busting hit that pays, uh, well, tribute to the so-called accomplishments of the Diamondbacks.
We Are The Chumpions
The tickets are paid
And it’s game time
This is my sentence
And a D-Back my crime
We’ve made mistakes
OK, quite a few
We’ve had more than our share of road games
And we always lose.
(The losing goes on and on and on and on)

We are the chumpions dear fans
And we’ll keep losing so the mark stands
We are the chumpions
We are the chumpions
It’s time for losing
‘Cause we are the chumpions of the road.

I’ve taken my lumps
Heard all the cat calls
It’s brought me shame and torture and everything that goes with it
It’s one long, hard fall
It’s been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I considered hiding from the whole human race
‘Cause we always lose
(The losing goes on and on and on and on)
(Back to Chorus)
I’m just glad Freddie Mercury isn’t alive to hear this.
Jim Walker is the sports editor emeritus of The Ironton Tribune.

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