Finding identity is a winding life path

Published 6:17 am Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Have you ever been so alone that you don’t know who talk to? What if you try to tell someone how you truly feel or how they make you feel? These are other things that taunt me.
I reach out to people and tell them exactly how I feel, and, in some way, I’m shut out more than I was before.
I ask myself why? Why is it that I’m open with my own emotions and it’s never good enough for someone to see the pain that they have caused?
This is what makes me feel different than others I know. Is it possible I feel more than they do?
When I say “maybe I feel more than they do,” what I mean by that is I don’t understand how someone who says they love you can dismiss your feelings when you’re upset, the way people in my past have done to me.
They see how what they’ve done to me has affected me, yet doesn’t faze them in any way.
Maybe they think about it here or there, but my pain and what I go through doesn’t truly register to them. If they were in pain or in need, I would be there.
Have any of you out there had or have someone like this in your life? No matter what you do its never enough?
I would like to know that I’m not alone. My writing is a place for me to reach out to others who also feel like myself. I’m only giving examples of my own life experiences.
It’s not always happy times. It’s mostly me trying to grow and be a part of this world that we know. Trying to forgive and make memories with the ones I love, but there’s always that moment of clarity.
Do they actually care?
I’ve lived many lives in one, constantly changing character, never truly knowing where I belong. I keep going hoping that maybe it will all click, or maybe it will never click and I’ll constantly be a new person.
Trying on personalities until one of them works, having not one particular personality is my normal — I guess in a way it’s a way for me to escape and try to be someone new.
Maybe that’s what happens when you’re always picked last in life, you constantly try to be someone new so just maybe you’ll be first pick.
I know this is the end of my column and I’m supposed to give some elaborate conclusion, but I don’t have one.
I’m still learning and growing, trying to discover who I am alone.
We as people know a lot of interesting things, but when it comes to ourselves… We’re still trying to figure that out.
I hope one day I don’t feel so alone, maybe that day will come when I’m 85 and in that moment, it will all click.
I guess if you ever feel alone, remember in some way you’re not, the reason? We’re all alone in some way.

Sklyer Cunningham is an intern at The Ironton Tribune.

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