Oooo weeee! I is back!

I knows how y'all missed me and were afeared I might not return. I had been considerin' retirement, but then I got to checkin' my financial sitch-e-a-shun and realized I couldn't do it at this time. Seems I don't have any other job and this one only pays $10 a week plus all the pork rines I kin eat.

Now, I gots to tell ya that some wild things done happened since last season. I mean, I took a two-week vacashun to the Ozarks to visit some relatives and when I comed back Saddam Hussein was runnin' through so many underground tunnels you'd have thought he was

the groundhog in Caddyshack.

And then there is the Maurice Clarett thing and his reportedly oral exam via the telephone. I guess that's where the term "phone it in" comed from.

But the most shockin' event has to be Arnold Schwarzenegger runnin' fer governor of California.

Hey, it could happen. Another actor not only became governor of California, he later was elected president. I kin see it now, President T. His runnin' mate could be Mr. T. They could run on the T 'n T ticket.

And Schwarzenegger has the power to make people vote fer him. No, he ain't gonna threaten to beat 'em up or terminate them. Too many lawyers would git involved.

His ultimate hammer would be to threaten the voters that if he's not elected, he'll spend his free time making "Jingle All The Way Back" or "Kindergarten Cop II."

Ya got my vote.

Ennywho, here's the unknown trip into week one.

Wheelersburg at Ironton: New look at Tanks Memorial Stadium goes with the new season. But expect old results. Ironton 14, Wheelersburg 9.

Piketon at Coal Grove: I is glad they call 'em the Red Streaks and not the Brown Skid Marks. Coal Grove 22, Piketon 18.

Rock Hil at Johnson Central: We're goin' to Johnson Central. Sounds like a command post fer NASA. Watch the Rdmen blast off. Rock Hill 26, Johnson Central 20.

South Point at Vinton County:

Dan McDavid's debut with the Pointers is a success. South Point 24, Vinton County 12.

Fairland at Portsmouth West: The Sin-a-tors ain't the same team they was last year in their run to the state finals. This may be closer than ya think. West 17, Fairland 13.

Portsmouth at Chesapeake: If ya think the Trojans don't have the speed thy used to, ya might be right. Now they just has very good speed. Portsmouth 32, Chesapeake 20.

Green at Fairview: The Eagles are flyin' high while the Bobcats is forced to stay on the ground. Fairview 26, Green 16.

Symmes Valley at Huntington Ross: This game is near the city Chillicothe. It's not part of a menu that serves chilli and coffee. Symmes Valley 20, Ross 14.

Others: East over Northwest, Minford over Oak Hill, Lucasville Valley over Waverly, Ashland over Middlesboro, Unioto over Ports. Notre Dame, Gumby & Pokey over Russell.